~His Duchess

The post The Cat’s Out Of The Bag! appeared first on Free the Kink.

Some of us were taught, that because strong emotions like anger or sorrow are difficult to see or make others uncomfortable we should cover them up. Whether this was explained to us directly or was introduced subtly, through a culture of emotional repression, depends upon the circumstances of our upbringings.

Regardless, the effects can still be clearly seen any time someone covers their face to cry or looks away in anger or disappointment.

Being repeatedly shunned from expressing emotion can have a very detrimental effect on a person’s emotional well being…Especially when trying to maintain a healthy relationship, it is important that you do not contribute to that detriment. If your Dom feels comfortable enough to show strong emotions around you, do not deride them for it. Show compassion.

Note, though, that this does not mean you should ever let someone take their anger out on you.

A dynamic where one person enacts their anger on another is not healthy people. It can hinder the personal development of both parties and foster the potential for abuse.

While you should not stick around if someone is taking their anger out on you, as long as your Dominant is not projecting, misdirecting, displacing, or blaming their emotions on you, it may probably be safe to stay and hear them out about it. Showing compassion for their feelings means being fully present and using your kindness and understanding to help them through their process. If you have been through something similar, your compassion might include empathy for their emotional state. You might show them kindness and deference because you remember what experiencing that feeling is like.

However, if you do not know what they are going through based on your own personal experience, try to listen to what their experience of it is like. Allow them to express to you exactly what part of the event which transpired instigated this emotion the most. The “straw that broke the camel’s back” for them may very well be quite different from what it would have been for you.

Everyone has different values. Emotional pain often comes from that which assaults your highest values the most belligerently. So by listening to your Dominant’s perspective is crucial to understanding both their feelings and values.

While you are listening, keep one thing in mind…Submissives tend to want to serve and fix things when things are off. If the Dominant is conflicted, hurt, or saddened about something, chances are a submissive’s first instinct will be to fix it.

As hard as it is, remember that you do not have to come up with solutions or advice on the spot. It is hard to produce meaningful and helpful advice under pressure. Furthermore, that might not even be what the Dominant is looking for.

Some people find it relieving to vent about emotional issues…It takes a weight off of them, but in doing so, they are not always expecting the person listening to swoop in and fix their problems. They might feel cornered by such a proactive approach like they are being forced to act quickly. In the worst cases, they may feel put off by swift solutions or find this “fix everything” approach by the listener to be controlling, confrontative, or pushy. Some people like to sit with their problems in order to experience them, vent, and process them before managing them. This helps them weigh their decisions about how to proceed.

It can be difficult to know if you are being vented to for the sake of emotional venting or for the sake of problem solving. If you are not sure what your Dominant expects, when they vent to you, ask…Politely ask if they are looking to get the issue off their chest, or, if they are looking for help choosing the best course of action. Having the answer to that question will help you best serve them, in the way they prefer, with the current issue.

While these options help with Dominants who are expressing emotion, it is also worth mentioning that one should try to show even more compassion when your Dominant tries to hide emotion. Your Dominant may exhibit emotional restraint…This maybe their personality, or maybe they are hesitant to open up. Whatever the case, if you show that it is safe to express emotion around you, they are more likely to feel more comfortable about it in the future.

Showing compassion in their times of emotional conflict will help them see you in a trustworthy light. It will strengthen your connection with them and improve your communication. Remember: communication is half expressive, half receptive. Even if you were to only work on your listening skills, you would still be improving your communication.

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